Doubt

A new semester looms. Last semester was pretty much a disaster of my own making. This is leading my to doubt my abilities for the next one. Again I'm taking a full load of classes. Honestly 16 hours doesn't feel like too much, it's the other things in life that overwhelm me. Two papers do this week, no problem. Work needs me to fill in for someone, problem. Laundry piled two feet deep in hallway problem (which also has me asking why this is falling on me because everyone that lives in this house is perfectly capable of running the washer and dryer). Everyone wanting dinner by 6pm, sometimes a problem (4 out of the 6 people living here can cook at least somewhat). Other various smallish things happening can be a problem. Most of these I can deal with or work around.

I took care of one problem, I put in my notice at work and will no longer be working prn. Hubby encouraged me to do this. I'm not earning enough that it's making a dent in our expenses. He's also tired of me complaining because when I'm at work I'm not working on homework, paper, studying for test etc. So one less stress to deal with. As for the other stuff, eh. I learned that a clean house and good grades don't always go together. Everyone here is old enough to pick up after themselves and help out more then they do. As long as dishes aren't left in the sink for days at a time and no one is complaining that all their clothes are dirty and what I consider the public rooms (living room, kitchen, dining room, hall, kids bathroom) are reasonably clean. It's all good. Bedrooms have doors on them for a reason.

This post is about my doubt that I'll do well this semester. I blew last semester, but I did well the two prior semesters. I know I can do well. I just have to do it. It just has me doubting that I'm going to meet my goals. Am I going to graduate in 2, 2 1/2 years? Am I going to pass the MCAT? Am I good enough for med. school? Should I continue to try and be a doctor? Or should I just work with the degree I'm working on now? Is this all worth it? Why can't I be happy with a normal, mediocre life. Thousands of people are. What do I hope to gain from this?

Merry Holidays

I'm finished with finals and with some I did great, some not so good. A couple classes I'm going to have to retake. It really sucks because it's all my fault because I cannot honestly say I tried. I think a few weeks into the semester I kind of gave up on them rather then buckle down and try. Hubby and I had a chat tonight and I'm going to try harder next semester. He was disappointed in me and said pretty much what I was thinking. He doesn't mind having to pay for classes again if I tried then failed. He knows that I didn't try though and it disappoints him. So I've got to buck up and get my head on straight. I'm going to do it, I don't want to feel like a loser.

So I'm only making one goal for this coming year. I'm going to write down a to do list every night before I go to bed for the next day and post it on my computer screen. So if I need to do such and such chapters, write so much on an essay, clean this room, and every day exercise a min. of 30 minutes it gets written down. This one thing will go so far with helping me with all my other goals that it needs to be the most important thing. I'm going to start this tomorrow (classes start in two weeks and I need to get to a point where this is almost a habit).

I'm hoping everyone reading this is having a wonderful holiday season with only the best wishes for a fantastic new year.