Yea I'm suppose to be studying my anatomy and physiology. I have a ton to do today and tomorrow. I'm getting there but after reading and listening about the eye for the past 2 hours or so I need a think break.
So this is what I've been thinking of, I'm going to call it the three F's; Forgiving, Forgetting, and Faith. So here's my thoughts starting with the first one:
You know forgiving is easy. People do it all the time. Someone cuts you off in traffic, you don't normally (there are always exceptions) chase them down. You may yell, flip them off, or grumble. You go on and the incident is over. Someone bumps into you and you spill something on yourself. You may say something, however, you do go on. Probably laugh about it later. People, including myself, put a great deal of stock in forgiving. I've been thinking on it and the question becomes why. Why make forgiveness such a big deal when it's probably the easiest thing to do?
So I'm saying now to everyone past and present to whom I've felt like have done me and mine wrong, I forgive you. Easy, a weight off my shoulder. I know from past experience it's a temporary relief, though.
This brings us to the second F, Forgetting. Now, this one's a doozy. How do you forget? I rarely remember the car that cut me off that morning. I rarely remember when someone has bumped into me causing a spill. I remember arguments, I remember horrors from my childhood, I remember words said in anger. Yep, this is a tough one. It needs to be somehow accomplished so that you can move on in your life. It needs to be done in a correct manner as well. If someone argues with you, pisses you off. You decide it's better to cut this person out of your life. Feel better? Probably not. Did you forgive the person? Hmm, perhaps. Maybe the better way would be to forgive the person (and your self, arguments are rarely one-sided) then find a way to forget the argument. Maybe reflect on the good times. Maybe look at this person in a new light. For example: I may not be able to be best buds with this person, but I can be friendly with them. Everybody doesn't have to like each other. However, it's a easier place if everyone can be nice(truly nice, not the fake nice...you're not going to smile to their face then turn around spread rumors or do anything backstabby). This is the hardest "F" for me to accomplish. I think I have to take babysteps. I can forget stuff my children have done to upset me, that's easy my love for them overcomes that. I can forget things friends and family have done...well mostly, like I said babysteps. Let's see if I can reword that. I can forget things friends and family have done (past and present) that have upset me. However, I cannot forget the things that have happened that has caused(or had the potential to cause) physical or mental damage to me. Really, off the top of my head that's only two people and one is deceased. So for the one deceased, it's time for me to forget. He is long gone and hasn't held a threat over me in many, many years. It's time to banish that boogieman . The other, well I really should forget what she has done. It would be easier if she would quit. It would also be easier if she weren't so closely related. It's hard to forget what your mother has done to you. Or the lack of action when it was needed. I can probably move on what happened to me as a child. I admit it does shade on how I think my children's relationship with her should be. I try my best to not influence it...that's nearly impossible though.
Okay now on to the final 'F', Faith. Here I'm think in more of the lines of spirituality. I have faith in myself. That's a necessity, if don't have faith in yourself then no one will. My spiritual/religious faith can be up in the air at times. I do lean more towards the pagan faiths. I believe that we should honor the Earth. She should be respected and cherished. I believe that we are responsible for our own actions. I'm not fond of the sayings "Let God" or "If it's God's will" or anything else that puts all your responsibility in the hands of some deity. There is such a thing as free will. To me that says that when you do something then it was you doing it. Some invisible hand did not come along and push you into whatever. Weather happens on a cycle. Every year there is going to be a rainy season, a dry season, rivers are going to flood, tornadoes are going to happen, hurricanes are going to happen, etc... You deal, you move on. You don't sit around moping "Why me, God." Who says He had a hand in it at all. Who says that you are so important that some deity had to make something happen in your area that it directly affected you. Yes these events are horrible. However, look where you live. I live in a tornado alley. This means a bad tornado could potentially take out my house, me and/or my family. Would I be heartbroken? Naturally, I would be devastated. Would I put the blame on some deity? No. It happens, it's no one's fault. If anything it's my fault for buying a house and choosing to live in the location I do. My hubby could have an accident at work, and has several(more then I like to even consider) close calls. I wouldn't blame anyone if something happened. I would cry, I would be devastated, then I would pull up my britches and move one and be grateful for memories and everything else I still have. Faith isn't having a fall guy/gal. Faith, to me, is more like having a cheerleader or whole cheer squad depending on your faith. It's something that gives you motivation to do good, to be better.
So my question on faith is how to work it I suppose. I grew up going to Church of Christ. Why I didn't exactly love it, I didn't dislike it either. I'm a social person for all my anti-social ways. I like being in a crowd, just not in the center. I like the family feel of going to church. I never had anything in common, that I knew of, with anyone there. Going to church just seems to make everyone nicer, I guess. I like nice people, church people are generally nice people. My theory it's due to their belief in their faith. Of course there's always exceptions, everyone knows some bitter old lady/man that just growls and glares at everyone and still goes sits in a pew every Sunday. I'm thinking more of the majority of people I know. They would discuss their beliefs, but only if I asked. They're not pushy about them. I don't like pushy people (went to a church session once and they talked about how they would stick their feet/hands/bodies in the doorway to coerce people into coming to their church. No this wasn't mormons or jehovah witnesses, it was a baptist church. We didn't go again and it took several weeks before they quit coming by to ask if we would come back).
I kinda miss church, the comradity, the smiles and hugs. Preachers are luck of the draw. Not fond of fire-and-brimstone sermons. I like the storytellers (maybe it's my native american heritage coming out). I like the ones who stand up at the podium, smile, and thank their members for coming. I would like to find something around here that I could go to and not be made to feel guilty that I believe there isn't just one go. That I believe the bible to be more of a history book, not necessarily a guide to living. There are things to learn from history, but I have trouble with the thought of one book being the beginning and ending. It was written by men, edited by men, created by men. It's their thoughts put into paper. I don't think god was whispering in their ear (the ones who claim they heard his voice may of been schizophrenic, we don't know). However, I do believe that for the most part these may of been good men. They were writing down historical moments of their time and how they and the people around them best survived.
Okay so that's that on all three of those; Faith, Forgetting and Forgiving. The faith part's not clear I know. I think I've found a church that I could attend that would meet my needs and those of my family. It's just a 30-40 minute drive and a good bit of nervousness that keeps me from going really. I've got forgiving down pat, I think. Like I said, that's the easy part. It just don't let you move completely on. Forgetting is very difficult and will take a lot of work. Not only do I have to use forgetting to move on with what other have one, I have to use it for myself as well. These three "F's" are very selfish things that need to be done. Forgiving is not for the other person, it's for you. You choose it, they don't choose it for you. Forgetting is not for them but for you. It's a way for you to heal, they have to do it for themselves. Faith is a personal thing, no one can choose it for you. It's a changing thing, it has to be reevaluated as your life changes. What works for one decade may not for the next. Take care readers and I hope you find a way around your three F's.
