Goodbye 2011 and Hello 2012

2011 wasn't too bad of a year. Actually I think it's been pretty good. It was a year of beginnings. I began, with earnest, to recover my health. Not only have a lost a little weight I have gained in strength and my better health seems to show in my face.  Middle son began middle school. Oldest son began high school this year, so it kind of feels like the beginning of the end. I'm glad of this time for him, as he begins to plan his adult life. I started going to church and so I've began a new life with Jesus.
In 2012 I'm looking forward to beginning my last year (hopefully) of my undergraduate degree.  If all goes as I plan I'll graduate May of 2013. I'm looking forward to my daughter starting her high school experience.  I'm looking forward to trying to volunteer more and spreading the good I feel I can do. I'm also looking forward to losing these 35lbs I need to lose.
No resolutions this year, no need to make any.  I'm just going to continue going like I am because I feel like I'm doing okay so far. A little tweaking maybe but so far so good.

Spring Fever

I feel it coming on, everyone knows the symptoms: browsing pictures of gardens, looking at seed catalogs, wondering how many 60 degree days you'll have this winter, looking up info on how to push your spring planting up.  Yep it's Spring fever.

I'm so tired of the grays and browns of winter. I'm ready for greens, reds, pinks and purples you see as early spring flowers poke up.  I'm ready for that first meaty bite of a juicy, deep red, homegrown tomato.  The bittersweet taste of fresh cucumbers. The fresh smell of overturned dirt on your hands. Ahh Spring, hurry up, I miss you.

So I am in planning stage and here's what I'm planning. 

I'm looking at University of Tennessee's Extension site and at this site Here to see what I can plant now or at least in the next few weeks. So far it looks like for January I might be able to plant: cabbage, carrots, lettuce, mustard greens, onions, peas, potatoes, radishes, spinach, and turnips.  Well that's all from the second site and most of them say not to start till January 15th, but I'm impatient and willing to go out and cover everything up at night and uncover it all in the morning if it means fresh veggies in a couple months.  If I plant these and am successful now, then in 3 months when it's time to plant warmer season veggies I'll have empty space in my little garden plot.  Sounds good, right?

Things I Need to do Today

• Clean my bathroom
• Laundry
• Make bed
• Make Cookies/Candies
• Get a few things from the store
• Motivate kids to do their chores aka. start cleaning the rest of the house

What I have accomplished since getting up at 6:30am (it is now 10 minutes till 9 am)

• Drink two 20oz cups of coffee
• Got dressed
• Checked email/facebook/pinterest

I feel like I'm on a roll now...

After I pick my jaw up from the floor...

I'll tell ya about my morning.

Yes it's well into the afternoon now, but that's how long it's taken the shock of this morning to wear off (I'm not quite sure it's gone yet).
This morning I got up around 6 :30, got my coffee getting ready to go to fill out papers and get started on orientation for work.  This is an old hat, I've done it all before and so wasn't worried.  I helped youngest son make some lemon poppy seed muffins for breakfast.  I took  finger and swiped a small taste of batter.  Oops better not do that again or eat a muffin, because I'll have to pee in a cup here in a bit.
I show up about 10 minutes till 8 waiting for my friend and former/current supervisor to show up and give me the book of papers for me to look at and sign.   She's shows up 8am on the dot and we get started with the signing of the papers.  May of had to give away my first-born grandchild and a pint of blood somewhere in there as well, I'm not sure.  If you have ever worked in healthcare you're familiar with the stack of papers required for employment.
So after an hour or so I finish the papers and find her and go wait to give a sample in a cup for drug testing.  I've done these plenty of times, I've never had to worry as I've rarely taken anything stronger then Tylenol or over-the-counter cold medicine.  The lady comes out hands me the cup to leave on the back of the toilet.  I go and do what I'm suppose to do, hand her the key to the bathroom and sit and wait.  A few minutes later my friend comes out and I hear words that I have never thought I would ever hear in my life "Jackie, why is it showing PCP in your urine?" Umm, wtf?  My jaw hit the floor, I was dumbstruck.  I'm such a goody two-shoes that I hardly go over the speed limit and when I do it's less then 5mph over.  I abhor all drugs, I refuse prescription painkillers unless I'm absolutely sure I need them(last time I used them was when I had all my upper teeth removed and denture put in, and then I waited till I couldn't handle the pain to take one, I took nothing more then ibuprofen when I badly sprained my ankle).  I'm a very occasional drinker and then rarely more then one wine cooler or glass of wine.  I'm the cleanest person I know, so for anything to show up in a drug screen just put me into shock.  I immediately started racking my brain trying to figure out why.  The sinus medicine I took a couple days ago? No that would of shown up as something else.  The off brand Mucinex? Nope, doesn't affect these tests.  The peanut butter ball I had at church yesterday? Hmmm never know what those little old ladies put in their cooking.
My Hubby and sister got a kick out of it though.  Really, it's only funny 'cause it's me.  We know people that we wouldn't of been surprised if they didn't pass a test. Me on the other hand...yea I'm so glad I could give someone a chuckle(they really need to invent a sarcastic font).  I'm sure Hubby will be teasing me about it tonight when he gets home as well.
So my urine sample is on its way to a lab for further testing.  I'm 100% sure it's a false positive, because there's nothing else it can be.  I threatened Hubby that I was not taking anymore cold or sinus medicine...he vetoed that idea.  I guess my coughing and hacking all night might disturb his beauty rest. Anyway, let's look on the bright side.  At least I won't have to worry about working on Christmas, right.

Sunday Posting

Isaiah 54:10

"Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed," says the LORD, who has compassion on you.

I did posts kind of like these last month and I liked them, so I think I'll continue them at random.  This song came on the radio every time I started my vehicle Friday while I was running vehicles.  I love it, but it's become an earworm.  So I'm hoping by sharing it with  you I can get a different song stuck in my head now.

Whew!

    The semester is finally over and my entire household is breathing a sigh of relief.  Apparently I've been rather cranky this past week or so.  I think Hubby may of muttered something about pads and Midol for Christmas.  Yea it's been that bad.
    It's all better now, grades are starting to get posted and so far I'm pleased.  I'm extremely pleased that I passed Gen Chem 2 on the first try.  Not a great pass mind you, it was a C-.  I just barely squeaked by, but I did it and I'm going to roll with it for now.  I'm trying to get prepared for the upcoming classes mentally now.  I've got microbiology + lab, A&P 2, Organic Chemistry (they quit having O Chem 1 &2 at my college, it's now foundations of organic chemistry and bio-organic chemistry or something like that) + lab(If I can catch an open spot, it filled up quick so I keep checking for when/if someone drops), and Community Nutrition are on the line up.  I'm only taking 14 hours so that I get a small break and can pick up some work hours.  Yep I had to go back to work a bit, just prn for now.  Starting Monday morning I'm back at the nursing home.  Bills have to be paid and a more reliable vehicle got, so I've got to do what I got to do.  I know it's going to be difficult with these particular classes, not impossible just difficult.
   Well I guess I need to get off of here, I have some presents to wrap and hide before the kiddies get home.  Today was half day at school for them so they'll come home hyper and sugared up I'm sure.  Speaking of presents, does anyone else feel like they're having a gift of the magi Christmas?  I only had 15 dollars to buy Hubby's gift with and that is the first thing that came to mind, because I know that's about how much he has available as well.  The kiddies come first, but I cannot let a Christmas go by without something for Hubby to open.  No matter how much he insists that he doesn't need anything, I think secretly he's pleased.
  Like I said it's time to get off here wrap presents and I think I should make some cookies as a thank you to my family for loving me.  I know I'm hard to take at times and grateful I have people in my life willing to take me.

Lift Me Up

Sometimes you hear a song that just fits a time in your life. Right now this is one of them for me. I've got some many worries going on with everything in life right now, that I think I really need to let go and let God lift me up. He can carry me through what life has brought me to.

Lift Me Up by The Afters

You lift me up with your love
You lift me up with your love
You lift me up with your love
You lift me up

Waiting for the sunrise
Waiting for the day
Waiting for a sign
That I’m where you want me to be

You know my heart is heavy
And the hurt is deep
But when I feel like giving up
You’re reminding me
That we all fall down sometimes
But when I hit the ground

You lift me up when I am weak
Your arms wrap around me
Your love catches me so I’m letting go
You lift me up when I can’t see
Your heart is all that I need
Your love carries me so I’m letting go

You lift me up with your love
You lift me up with your love
You lift me up with your love
You lift me up

I know I’m not perfect
I know I make mistakes
I know that I have let you down
But you love me the same

And when I’m surrounded
When I lose my way
When I’m crying out and falling down
You are here to

Lift me up when I am weak
Your arms wrap around me
Your love catches me so I’m letting go
You lift me up when I can’t see
Your heart is all that I need
Your love carries me so I’m letting go

I can see the dawn is breaking
I am feeling overtaken with your love
With your love
I don’t know what I can offer
In this moment I surrender to your love
To your love

You lift me up when I am weak
Your arms wrap around me
Your love catches me so I’m letting go

You lift me up when I am weak
Your arms wrap around me
Your love catches me so I’m letting go
You lift me up when I can’t see
Your heart is all that I need
Your love carries me so I’m letting go

I can see the dawn is breaking
I am feeling overtaken with your love

You lift me up with your love
You lift me up with your love
You lift me up with your love
You lift me up

It's the Most Sentimental Time of the Year

There is something about this time of year that makes me think. I have a tendency to review my life. Mistakes I've made, my achievements, my hopes, dreams and goals. What did I do wrong this year that I need to correct? What did I do right that I need to continue? What have I not changed that I need to change?

I'm trying to learn to not look too far back. We've all made mistakes, we've all said, wrote, done the wrong things. I try to just do a year at a time because more then that is just ridiculous. Too much time has gone by and details have been skewed or forgotten.

So what about this past year? Well, let's start with the good. I've learned(and still learning) to forgive. Most things that have angered/upset me in the past are trivial in the long haul. Relationships are too important to let things linger. I wish I could teach forgiveness; since I'm still learning and it's such a personal thing, I can't. I've found a place for religion in my heart. If you've read this blog long or looked at the archives you see I once (not too long ago) went a different path. However, since making the decision to go to church I feel I found a place I belong and God is firmly in my life and...well words cannot quite describe it, simply it's all good. I have gotten a good hold on my health. My body is starting to respond how I want it, mentally I'm in a good place.

Now for the bad. Well, like I said I'm still learning to forgive. That's really hard. Sometimes you read something or something is taken out of context and old hurts appear. I have to remind myself that the past is past. I'm only someone in my own world and really probably rarely cross anyone else's mind. Basically I think different then most people I know, not good or bad just different. I know that sounds kind like I'm try to garner attention, I'm not. This is where it's hard to convey feelings in black and white. I'm not saying I'm a nobody or unimportant. I'm saying that sometimes we as humans think we are more important then we really are. It's the society we live in, the everyone wins mentality we grew up with and our children are being taught. There has to be losers and that's okay as well. Losing teaches you to do better.

Another bad is my study habits really need to improve. For example, I'm creating this blog post when I have a final tomorrow. I really need to learn how to stop procrastinating. I've read articles on it, but sometimes it requires more work then I'm willing to do. I'm not lazy, I'm not unmotivated(at least not at all times), I just have trouble getting started. Once going I'm gold.

So here's to the past, present and future. Here's to sentiments and life lessons. Here's to remembering and moving on. These are the things that mold our behaviors, attitudes, outlooks and more.

Do Not Tag

Facebook can be a great tool. You can keep in touch with family, friends, classmates, coworkers, etc. It makes it easier to share pictures and certain information (not everything needs to be on Facebook). If you want to see pics of your nieces and nephews from miles away it's there with a click of a button.

However privacy is practically non-existent on Facebook. You have to go in and opt out of things and hope that they don't change their policies overnight. You have to hope that you have only common information on there. Facebook does not like it when you make it hard for people to share your personal info.

My problem right now is tagging. I really want to get on there and ask everyone to not tag me or my family in statuses or pictures. My kiddies do not need links to their profiles being seen by people I do not personally know. My rule is that they are not allowed to friend anyone that they do not know in real life. If they are not related to them or go to school or church with them then they don't need to friend them on Facebook. However when someone decides to tag them in a photo or some silly status then all my rules are blown out the window. Yes I have set were tags have to be approved, but I don't trust Facebook to 100% honor that. I know they mean well and some things are all in fun, but I don't like the idea of someone I don't personally know seeing my child's fb profile.

So today I went in to their security settings and made sure everything was as tight as I can make it (without totally ruining their Facebook experience). I'll keep checking, weekly, to disapprove tags. I try my best to keep them as safe as possible until it's time to turn the reigns to them. I don't allow myself to be tagged and so I won't allow my hubby or kiddies either. Everyone that are our friends on Facebook know us anyway and so don't need to be told if we are in a picture.

So dear readers...would you ask friends/family to stop with the tagging? I think I'll do a wait and see since it's not so bad at the moment.

Back in March I posted that I got 6 chicks. Well we lost 2 a couple months later due to chicken cannibalism. Then we lost 2 more due to some curious puppies. We got two more hens and a rooster. I don't know how but one morning I went out to check on them and the new hens were dead. My son didn't close their coop so I think something got in there too them.

Yesterday I lost another of my girls. Apparently she thought Elizabeth, our akita/german shepherd mix, had something yummy for her and decided to go check it out. I had noticed her missing yesterday afternoon and looked all around the house hoping that she had just decided to nest somewhere. We left for the Christmas parade, hoping that when it got dark she would go into the coop like they always do. Got back and I saw my rooster and the other hen in there but one was still missing. We look around some more and I get to thinking surely she did not go down by the dog.

Well I go down to Elizabeth and sure enough she sees us coming and picks up her new "toy" to show us what she's got. She's just standing there so proud with this big chicken in her mouth wagging her tail thinking we've come to play with her. We didn't get on to her much because 1) she didn't go to the chicken the chicken came to her. She's gotten loose before and though she does give the chickens a curious sniff she's more interested in attention then snacks. 2)She didn't eat the chicken, just played with it too hard. She's a well fed pup and will not eat more then what fills her up. So when the bird came over she assumed that it came over to play.

So rest in peace little bird and hopes for lots of yummy bugs, grain and grass for you in chicken heaven. Today we are going to see about 10 bantams and maybe a baby duck. Hopefully they'll make it all right. I know they're not good for much more then pets, but my hens are pets anyway. Really, they will follow you around like puppies when they are loose. Of course they're not wanting petted, just hoping you have some extra food in your pocket. Still I love stepping outside and having these little birds run up to me.