A fool vents all his feelings, but a wise man holds them back.

Proverbs 29:11

 

  Some possibilities are on the wind, things I don't want to happen really. However I will do whatever is neccessary for all parties involved.  I want to vent my grievences. I want to grumble about how unfair life is. I want to tell everyone I can trust to keep a secret what may or may not happen.

 

I won't though, because in the end it's a small thing. A temporary inconvenience to help those who are needing help. Someone helped us once when we were in a desperate situation. I'm sure they didn't really want to, but in the end you do what is right.

 

A quick search brought me the scripture I posted above. God always has an answer doesn't he?  I will be grateful that we are in a position to lend a hand up to those who need one. I will not judge anyone's bad decisions as we all make them.  I will instead use the possiblity to show the Christian I am trying to grow into being. I will show love, empathy and kindness as these are what is needed by the couple I'm referring to more then anything. They have had enough of shaking heads, shame, and judgements.

 

I hate that my first reaction to the news was how it would affect us. My second reaction was okay how do we do this, how do we allow for the possibilty of adding more to our already crowded household. Now my thought is kind of a mixture of needing to remember to not worry about events that have yet to occur and wanting to begin rearranging things in case we need to make room.

 





Thanksgiving Thoughts

I don't celebrate in the idealic way of pilgrims sharing food with the Indians and happy dancing turkeys and all that.  We all know that is a false version of what really happened.

My Thanksgiving is a day given to thankfulness. I'm thankful to have four healthy beautiful children. I'm thankful for a loving, caring, generous husband. I'm thankful for a mostly okay extended family. I'm thankful for a roof over our heads, property to call our own, food to fill our bellies.  I cook a large meal every fourth Thursday in November in celebration for all the wonderful things I have to be thankful for. Also to show my love for family through good food.

Americans have gotten away from Thanksgiving. We are letting the corporate world encroach and destroy a great holiday. Instead of relaxing with family, enjoying company and food, we are tramping around stores trying to score a big deal on an object we will probably replace or not use in a few months.  It's all about the money, family does not exist as it should. This year we have pre-black Friday sales. So now you can leave your family at home and get your lonely, greedy self to your local big box store to save a few bucks (that you probably spent in filling the gas tank for this event) and buy that item that the store only carries a few of and so will probably not even be there anyway.  Of course you also get to enjoy the madness of standing room only, people pushing and shoving and just being discourteous, stores.  Sounds like a grand time all on Thanksgiving night before the turkey is even cold.

I also hear now you can celebrate Thanksgiving on whatever day you feel like it.  Saturday work better for you? Have it then, who cares.  How about celebrating it on the first of November. It doesn't matter that the actual holiday is three weeks away as long as it's convienent for everyone. I didn't realize life was suppose to be convienent. How did I miss that memo?

I love Christmas. I love watching the Christmas movies and listening to Christmas music(which I've been doing for more than a week already). I have already begun Christmas shopping. However, I love Thanksgiving as well. The excitement of planning out a big meal and hoping the timing works so everything is done at the same time. Making my house smell of pumpkin pie, fresh bread and roasting turkey.  Seeing the drool dripping from the chins of my loved ones as I pull one yummy dish after another out of the oven. Listening and trying to watch the Macy's Day parade on t.v. as my kids and hubby wrestle and I try to get those eggs to whip to a meringue.

Then, we all set down to a table loaded down with delicious sights and smells. We say what we are most thankful for this year. Next we bow heads and give a moment of praise to God for without Him nothing is possible.

After everyone has an overfull tummy and buttons are loosened, we gather around the xbox to play games as a family. We laugh, tease, and love each other. Let the world outside our front door scurry from store to store, aimously hoping to obtain that next material good. We KNOW what the true meaning of Thanksgiving should be and it doesn't end in -mart.

Happy Birthday Once Again

I made it through another year. Is it just me or do the years seem to go by faster and faster as we get a bit older. It seems as I was just writing a post on my 33rd birthday and here it is my 34th already. I've officially left my early thirties and now entering my mid-thirties. 

So what has the past year brought me? Well there have been two 5k races, a 16th wedding anniversary for Hubby and I, I gained another teenager (thankfully I have two years before youngest son becomes one), I lost a step-grandma, grandmother-in-law, and a great grandmother. I've nearly finished two more semesters of college (only about 2 more to go before I finish my undergrad). I've not really lost any weight but I believe I've gained in my fitness goals.

This time next year I'll, hopefully, be planning my graduation and getting ready to experience the joys of having a 16 year old daughter.

In the World, Not of the World

² 

And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.

Romans 12:2

And

Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world. If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him.

For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world.

And the world passeth away, and the lust thereof: but he that doeth the will of God abideth for ever. 

1 John 2: 15-17

Also

 If ye were of the world, the world would love his own: but because ye are not of the world, but I have chosen you out of the world, therefore the world hateth you.

John 15:19

This one too

²⁷ Pure and undefiled religion before God and the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their trouble,and to keep oneself unspotted from the world.

James 1:27

The thought that, as a Christian, you are suppose to be in the world but not of the world has been on mind a lot lately.  Especially with all the political debates, kids I know that have turned away from religion, my own kids' spiritual thoughts and behaviors, friends' and family members thoughts on religion. 

When I returned to Jesus and God last year I was called to be above. I'm one of God's children and as our Father he holds us to a high standard. That idea is not a hard one to wrap around. I have high expectations of my own children, I wouldn't think God would expect less of me (and he doesn't) then I would of them.  The difficult part is reaching those expectations. To not fall back on old habits. 

If Christians would hold to the standard of being in the world but not of the world, then I think Christians wouldn't have a bad name. People wouldn't close their doors or not answer phones when we come calling.  Think of how Jesus lived, everyone wanted to be around him.  

To me being in the world means living each day to it's fullest. I am to love and help my neighbors. I make sure that I'm not seen as prideful, boastful or just plain acting like I'm better than anyone.  Live simply and love greatly. Doesn't sound too difficult.

Not being of the world is the hard part.  Some things that have become acceptable today are scary. To see proof just look at some teenage and pre-teen kids Facebook pages. 12 year old girls wearing skimpy clothes, too much makeup and talking about how sexy they are or posing like they are making out with their girl friends.  Boys talking about fighting, and being encouraged in this. Both sexes disrespecting adults and each other.  Look at the shows premiering on t.v., people find funny what was shameful not too long ago. Does this mean we've grown as a nation? Are we more advanced since we now think it's okay to do whatever you want as long as it feels good?  I think if we were to find a poll (I'm sure there is one out there somewhere) you would find true Christians to be a minority. Not the ones that go to church for the fire insurance, but the ones who uphold the commandments and guidelines of the Bible. The ones who are trying to be Christ-like. Morals just aren't cool anymore.  

However, who would you rather spend time with...someone who is vulgar, coarse, parties every weekend (or every night) seems to be a ton of fun and a hot mess at the same time. Or someone who is graceful, one who you know doesn't judge. Who offers you a shoulder and a hug when needed. A trustful person who's faith glows from with in and makes you feel like a better person from just being near them. This person is not of this world, but in the world.  The amount of people I currently know(and knew) that are truly like this I can count on one hand. 

That is my goal, to be one of those people. I feel myself growing that way, but I hold myself back. I have some trouble in being not of the world. I listen to gossip, I feel judgmental at times, I have trouble letting go of anger, I still sometimes watch inappropriate shows, I feel as my support system isn't what I need. As I grow as a Christian there are more people that I no longer have any inclination to hang around. I realize I was not being true to myself when I was with them. This is what being of the world does to you, it makes you bitter, it makes you false, it makes you cynical, it makes you unloving. 

The song I posted at the top of this very long, novel of a post is one I feel gives a good message of how we should live. Our lives should show the proof of God's love for us. I'm sorry for the long post, this isn't what I had intended to write on when I decided to post today. It's just what came out when I started typing and thinking.  So I guess I'll do what I planned on for today tomorrow. I hope all my dear readers have a blessed Monday.

1. Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons) (100%)
2. Baha'i Faith (92%)
3. Jehovah's Witness (87%)
4. Mainline to Liberal Christian Protestants (87%)

1. Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons) (100%)
2. Mainline to Liberal Christian Protestants (87%)
3. Baha'i Faith (86%)
4. Orthodox Judaism (84%)

1. Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons) (100%)
2. Baha'i Faith (83%)
3. Orthodox Judaism (83%)
4. Mainline to Liberal Christian Protestants (81%)

1. Mainline to Liberal Christian Protestants (100%)
2. Baha'i Faith (97%)
3. Liberal Quakers (89%)
4. Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons) (86%

These are all the latest results of the beliefnet.com's blief-o-matic quiz.  I've been trying to do some thinking since Hubby has finally made it clear he isn't real comfortable with the church we attend.  His main complaints were the choir, the feeling of being underdressed, the size.  He enjoys the Sunday school class, but that's it.  He mentioned that maybe we are more Church of Christ people, hmm I don't know about that.

Hubby wants more of a small, casual church.  I like dressing up and a bit of order.  According to the belief-o-matic though I'm either mormon, mainline to liberal protestant (lutheran, methodist, presbytarian, etc.), or Baha'i. Orthodox Judaism and Quaker pops up in the top four quite often, though this was the first I noticed Jehovah Witness...I don't agree with the Jehovah Witness one.  The denomination I currently attend (Southern Baptist) is usually further down the list (around 80% or less so it puts it around 6th to 12th place usually).

I admit, there's been things mentioned from other members during Sunday school or the preacher will mention something during service that I don't agree with. I also keep all political beliefs to myself, because I would say most if not all of my Sunday school classmates would disagree with them. Now that I think about it, I keep most of my opinions and thoughts to myself when it comes to church.  I just don't think they would understand and I know they wouldn't agree. I also know that anything I say could possibly be fodder for gossip or private discussion that doesn't include me...well gossip. 

So I'm thinking of not attending anymore. Hubby doesn't like it, two of the kiddies don't like it and the other two have became indifferent to it. I don't want going to church on Sundays to seem like a chore or for them to feel forced to go. I love fellowship, I love going and singing hymns and praising the Lord and Jesus. I like listening to a good sermon.  I've got some ideas of local churches to try. One is a Church of Christ, one is a small Baptist church and the third is non-dominational (I think).  I think the latter two may be more inline with what my hubby would like. I'm not sure what to look for to encourage the kiddies. Maybe I ought to have them take the Belief-o-matic quiz. 

Introducing Our Newest Family Member

Like how all the guys are looking to one side while my silly girl is pretending to attack.

Well I guess, technically, we've added two members to our family this week. Yesterday my big brother added a new blessing to his family. A new bouncing baby boy arrived at 8:53 in the morning. Baby and mom are home and doing great and I guess daddy is too.
Today, with Hubby's grudgingly given okay, I got a new puppy.  He's the one in the white fur coat in the middle of the picture (just in case you couldn't tell with the other animals posing there).  We've currently dubbed him Chip (his other name was too similar sounding to one of our other four leggers name). He's a 10 month old lab mix (the previous owners think he may be mixed with a dalmation).  He's got the cutest spotted face and ears. His goofy ears just stand out from his head.  The poor little guy is undernourished due to his brother having a bad food aggression problem. He just wouldn't let him eat. So his previous owners decided to find a new home where he could eat all he wants. 

He is a timid thing as well. When he heard our two little dogs barking he didn't want to even step through the front door. After a minute of loving and coaxing he went on in. However, he wouldn't leave the front door. It's been a couple of hours now and he's starting to warm up a bit more. He's definitely a cuddle bug. Now to work on our oldest girl in reminding her that she's not the alpha.  She's having some issues and while it's sort funny seeing this little 8lb dog make a much bigger dog cower...it's not.

Well that's about it for now. I hope all my dear readers are having a great week.

I AM Blessed

I was thinking this as I was outside pulling weeds and planting seeds in my garden this afternoon. When times get difficult (as it is for us financially at the moment) it can be hard to think of all the good things.  So while I was pulling weeds I was thinking and here are ten reasons why I am very blessed:

1. I have my God who loves me no matter if, when, or how I screw up.
2. I have Jesus
3. I have a great Hubby and four wonderful kiddies
4. I have my health, Hubby's health and four healthy kiddies.
5. I have a large family and a large family-in-law. That means there is always someone to talk to when needed.
6. I am able to go to college.
7. I have a piece of this great Earth that I can plant a veggie garden to supply my family with organic, healthy food. I can also plant pretties.
8. I have many friends, more then I realize I'm sure.
9. I live in a great part of the United States. I find people are so nice here, it's a world a way from where I grew up.
10. Hubby and I have jobs. His has insurance and mine works around my class schedule. That is definitely a plus in these times.

There are many more blessings that have been put upon my family and I. As I was thinking of them I was thanking God. If not for Him, I'm sure things would be different. If not for Him, I'm sure I would be unable to see the forest for the trees.  I am a detail person, I am one who tends to get lost in the details. Life is much more then the small things.

Fall is a Coming

and I don't like it.  I'm not much of a cool weather gal. I don't like the smell of wood stoves, fireplaces, wood burning. I don't like the chill that will be in the air. I don't like raking leaves. I don't like the rainy, cold, windy days. I don't like the idea of frost coming in the next couple of months.

I love Spring, love Summer and the only time I like winter is during the week of Christmas (after that it can go away).  I would be totally content to live where there is only Spring and Summer. I can live without leaves changing color and seeing snow (it's only pretty in pictures anyway).  At least then I wouldn't have to worry about my gardens and plants that are so susceptible to lower temps.

The morning lows for the next few days will have me digging out winter clothes 2 months earlier then I intended. I'm worried that since all the other seasons seemed to of came early this year, that winter will too. I told Hubby that we need to be prepared to spend a lot in grain and hay for our goat this year, because the grass will probably die back early.

So not ready.

I'm just finding out about a neat thing called box subscriptions. Okay I'm sure they've been out for a long time now. I've just had my head too far in books, notes and chemistry molecules to of seen them. They seem so neat, just a few dollars a month to get a bunch of great samples (some sample sized and some full sized) from companies that you may want to try but are iffy about putting money down on their stuff. 

One is called Cravebox. I signed up for a spot, apparently their sub spots get taken up fast. Also about once a month they list extra goodie boxes for 10-15 dollars. You get 2 to 3x or more worth of all sorts of treats.

Another one I've been thinking about signing up for is Birchbox. It's only 10.00 a month and you get beauty samples. I'm thinking of gifting this one to my daughter. How awesome would it be for a teen girl to get all sorts of beauty, make up samples in the mail.

One I did sign up for is Bulubox. Only 10.00 a month and if you go to their facebook page they have a code for a free month. It's all health related samples such as vitamins, protein supplements and such. 

Another one I signed up for is Klutchclub. It's 16-18 dollars a month (I signed up for the monthly sub so mine's 18). It's a box jam packed full of health and fitness related items. I've seen reviews of this on other blogs and can't wait to get my first box this month.

I also signed up for Mystery Tackle Box for the Hubby. A box of lures and hooks and all that kind of fishing paraphernalia is right up my fisherman's ally. He never says anything but I know he likes getting things in the mail too. It's only 15.99 a month and right now they have a code on facebook where you can get your first month for only 4.99.

I'm not getting paid or anything for these I just thought it was a neat idea and wanted to share. You can Google box subscriptions and see lots of them out there. 

Time Managing (or We're losing our minds)

I really need to work on my time management and procrastination. The two don't make good bedfellows. I have projects to work on, papers to write, organic chemistry to figure out, kids to spend time with, house to clean, oh and a hubby that I probably should spend time with as well.

My goal is usually to try and get all (or at the majority) of my homework/studying done before 7pm. What happens is I do some on campus, get home and eat dinner, go online and instead of research just piddle around on Facebook (or pinterest or various blogs or other things of interest online). Then around 8pm, when I should be cuddling with Hubby or conversing with the kiddies, I'm on my laptop typing away at some last minute thing for a class the next day. This makes me cranky, because I'm trying to rush through something, the kids want my attention Hubby is over pouting in his recliner trying to keep the kids out of my hair and the house is a mess.

My poor Hubby is having to take over so much since I'm in school (and working). He is making sure the kids do some chores, their homework is signed, dinner is cooked (probably 5 days a week). I go to class Tuesday-Thursday and end up working 2-3 days over the remaining four days of the week.  So I'm gone 7-8 hours a day and not getting home till after 6pm(sometimes after 9pm). My poor Hubby is tired because he's gone from 6am till 4:30pm working a very physical job and then comes home to the kiddies already home and wanting dinner.  He's such a big help and I know I don't show or say enough how much I appreciate him.

Anyway, I think over the next couple weeks I'm going to try harder to maximize my time during the day so that when I get home in the evenings I can help wrap up dinner and spend a couple relaxing hours with the family. I know I'll still have homework to do at night, I'm just going to try and minimize what I absolutely have to do so that hopefully I'll have a more restful home atmosphere. It feels as everything is hanging on a precipice and it's all about to fall apart. Not relationships but life is so disorganized right now and I feel off-balance. If I'm off balance with the way things are I know the rest of my family is. We are so close and feed off each others emotions so much. So hopefully I can get my stuff straight and then everyone else's will fall into place.

So less time wasting and more time managing. If something is due in a couple days I don't need to be browsing Pinterest. There will be plenty of time for that over winter break in a few months.

Almost done with the 2nd week of Fall semester. I think I'm doing okay so far, but I've really got to step up a bit so I don't fall behind in studying.  Trying to balance work, school and family is not easy. Doable, but not easy. It seems something is always falling by the wayside. Hopefully I don't work much this weekend so I can get caught up a bit. So far I'm only scheduled for tomorrow, I'm hoping that doesn't change. Though I figure I'll either work Sunday or Monday(I'm hoping for Monday 'cause I really would like to go to church Sunday). 

Hubby and I are about done with teenage girl angst. Last weekend she got on Hubby's last nerve, pretty difficult to do actually.  I think we are about to check into counseling for her/us. Right now, I'm just trying to take everything a day at a time. I feel as I have to walk on eggshells around her at home, and that's not a good thing. We, as parents, should not be letting a child dictate how the atmosphere at home should be. We'll get it figured out, hopefully soon. 

Well dear readers, I just thought I would put a quicky post up to let all know I'm around. I've got to get stuff together and head to class. Have a great day everyone.

So Tired Sometimes

It's not a physical tiredness, I'll be okay for most of the day. Then my daughter comes home and I have days I just can't handle her. It's an emotional fatigue. It's from days, weeks, of dealing with her ups and downs...lots of downs lately. It's from weeks of her giving no respect to anyone in her family, she doesn't feel like she has to be nice to us. Some days she siphons the strength right out of me.

Now school has started and it's gotten worse, because that's how she deals with stress. I'm her emotional punching bag. Have a bad day at school? Take it out on mom using bad behavior. Take it out on brothers physically. Her dad sees this but for what ever reason he doesn't get the brunt of it. Probably some Freudian thing, I don't know.

I love her so much that every day I want to cry. I don't think she realizes how much she hurts me and when she starts in I withdraw. It doesn't make things better, but that's always been my response to emotional abuse. To withdraw and ignore who's hurting me until I can deal with it.

So I'm reading on dealing with children this way, it's not the first time. I'm always looking for ideas that worked in other cases. I'm going to try and slowly changing diets, I know getting sugar out or to minuscule amounts should help. I'm also going to see about cutting back on flour/gluten products. I'm also going to see about implementing an exercise program into her week.  She does more sitting and reading then anything, I know she likes to bang on the punching bag we have and she says she likes to run. So, I'm going to see about having her run with me a couple afternoons a week to see if I can help her learn how to de-stress so that she doesn't take her day out on us.

She's a sweet girl when she wants to be. She's very creative, I love all her drawings and stories. However, I feel that if she doesn't learn to handle her anger she's in for a tough future. I pray for God to  for patience, lots of patience and to help me be a better parent for her. I guess that's all I can do.

Christmas in July Swap

Sue, from over at Country Pleasures, did a Christmas in July Swap during the past couple of weeks. I had great plans for mine, but life got in the way. So instead of a tea cup cozy and a snowman ornament, my swap partner just got the tea cup cozy (and tea cup, tea, and a candle). I do plan on sending her the snowman as soon as I get it finished.

Today I had received a big gray envelope/package in the mail, but I didn't have time to open it before leaving for work. So I get home and sit down to open it and my partner has put such a smile on my face. The tote and Raggedy Ann doll she has given me are just adorable. I'm going to be grinning every time I see them.

this isn't the best pic, but isn't she just adorable

Getting Ready for School

I've been getting the kiddies all ready to back to school. Well, at least in my head I am. Some of the school supply lists are out, but most of the times the teachers have a totally different list they give the students. So I'm reluctant to get started shopping when I'll end up buying things I don't need and not buying things needed.

One thing I'm going to try this year is packing the kiddies all a light lunch and making sure there are snack items available when they get home. There are a few reasons for this.

• Time. 
• My kiddies are suppose to have thirty minutes for lunch. That thirty minutes includes: walking to the cafeteria, standing in line, getting food, walking to table, time for opening foods and eating, and getting up to walk back to classroom.  I've been there to eat lunch with the kiddies, time actually spent eating is probably ~10 minutes at most.
• Quality
• My kiddies' school serves reheated food.  The usual suspects; rectangle pieces of grease and dough they call pizza. Sad looking vegetables. "Fried" chicken (I'm sure it was fried at one time). Fresh fruit once in a while. None of it looks appealing.
• Price
• School lunch prices have increased this year by 20 cents. Doesn't sound like much but for me take that x4. That's an extra $0.80 a day, $4.00 a week, $16.00 a month, $144.00 a year.  That's money I can put to better use buying healthy food for my kiddies.

Also have to budget in clothes, shoes and other etcetera. Well off to get that all done. I hope all my dear readers have a wonderful week. 

Pondering the path of my feet...

²⁰ 

Proverbs 4: 20-27

My son, give attention to my words;

Incline your ear to my sayings.

²¹ 

Do not let them depart from your eyes;

Keep them in the midst of your heart;

²² 

For they are life to those who find them,

And health to all their flesh.

²³ 

Keep your heart with all diligence,

For out of it spring the issues of life.

²⁴ 

Put away from you a deceitful mouth,

And put perverse lips far from you.

²⁵ 

Let your eyes look straight ahead,

And your eyelids look right before you.

²⁶ 

Ponder the path of your feet,

And let all your ways be established.

²⁷ 

Do not turn to the right or the left;

Remove your foot from evil.

Sometimes a bible verse just jumps out at you. Today this one does. 

     I'm going through some things with my current place of employment. I'm questioning my employers moral values. I worry that I'll be dragged down when his choices backfire. I'm feeling like this is not where God wants me right now. So I'm applying to other places in hopes for other employment. I'm willing to leave soon without having somewhere else to go. Just the thought of going in to work fills me with dread. I don't want to be there. I don't want to be yelled at for things that are not my doing, not my responsibility. I don't want to feel like I'm being used. I don't want to serve alcohol to those who shouldn't drink, I don't want to be accused of not doing my job when I'm doing it to the best of my ability(especially since the only reason your doing it is so you can feel justified in not tipping). I want to work somewhere I feel valued, I get paid a wage(not just hoping my tips are enough to make the hours working worth it...most times they're not due to lack of customers).

    My time is valuable. When I'm at work, I'm not spending those hours enjoying my family. When I'm at work I'm there for the company, customers, coworkers. I give 100% of myself. If I have to go in on my own time to do something for the owner, I want to be compensated for it. I'm about to start fall semester at college. I take difficult classes. I cannot work 30+ hours for someone who does not pay their employees or bills. My time would be better spent readying for classes rather then standing there praying for customers to come. 

   When your spouse starts getting frustrated with your boss, you know it's time to look elsewhere. When former employees keep coming in looking for paychecks only to get turned away, you know it's time to look elsewhere. When the ice machine company come to repo the ice machine, you know it's time to look elsewhere.

    So dear readers, please pray that I can find other part-time employment. Or at least pray that my hubby and I can better budget his paycheck if I need to just quit. 

Sunday Postings

Psalm 29:11 

The Lord will give strength to His people;

The Lord will bless His people with peace.

I've been following the story of a young local girl named Lucy as she has battled cancer the past year and a half. Now my heart trembles as she is back in the hospital and it's not looking good. You can read of her plight on her mother's blog HERE. Her mother asks that in the years come people do not forget Lucy. That her suffering does not go in vain. I won't forget.

When I hear my children roughhousing, arguing, laughing...I'll remember there's a little girl who cannot do this with her siblings. I'll remember there's a mother who will not hear these sound coming from her daughter again. When my oldest son get's his driver's license, I'll remember. There's a little girl who won't go through this milestone in her life.  With my children's triumphs and failures, ups and downs...I promise to remember how fortunate I am. 

Drifting Along

Here it is, well into the first week of June, and I've not accomplished a single thing since semester ended a month ago. I feel as though I've been incredibly lazy these last few weeks. My days are full of surfing the net, reading, job hunting. Nights have been baseball games and family time.

I feel as though I should of done something by now. Found a job, deep cleaned a room, painted the kitchen...something.  Well the job search is in God's hands. I have several applications out and so far two interviews, but no offers.  Job hunting is too much like fishing, you try all these different baits till something bites.  I'm not much of a fisherman. If something doesn't bite quickly I'm ready to head over to a new spot.   I know a lot of it's the economy. I remember in my late teens early twenties I could go about anywhere fill out an application and have a job that day.  Now, turn overs are a bit less so I have to search harder.  One interview sounded promising and she said she would let me know by this evening.  I interviewed with her on Friday and she wanted to call my references so I'm waiting. I have I ever mentioned I don't wait well.  I have patience, but only with certain things it seems.

Starting today I'm going to combat this drifting along thing. I'm going to make myself do something every day, whether I feel like it or not. Today's plan is run youngest son over to church to attend VBS and I'll hit the gym there for an hour or so. This afternoon I'm going to start on two rooms. The kitchen and my bedroom, both are getting deep cleaned. Sometime this week I'm going to paint the kitchen and maybe my bathroom. I have the supplies just have to get the gumption to do it.

Sunday Posting

Proverbs 19:20
Listen to counsel and receive instruction,
That you may be wise in your latter days.

I love my country, even with all it's flaws.  It's a great country. It's full of citizens with promise and ideas, citizens willing to take a stand for change.  A couple of the flaws is our antiquated government and tons of people resilient to change. Our hopes lay within my generation and the generation we're currently raising. We are the ones who will initiate change, we hope the next will continue it.  It will be easier in another 10-20 years as the older generation retires.

 I love my country, I love my president and I will vote for him in November.  The other candidates scare me. If they're elected I see: women having fewer choices, more jobs sent overseas, people with less say over their lives as they'll have no one able to advocate for them. Tuition will rise; so dreams of a better education for many will be crushed. Like the saying goes "the rich get richer." It will be true with no one standing up for the middle and lower classes.

I remember on election night November 2008 watching the votes come in. For a brief minute, McCain was in the lead. My heart stopped, I was terrified. I had brothers-in-law fighting what seemed a never ending war overseas. The economy was tanking, people losing homes left and right. In my heart I knew that it would of only gotten worse if he was elected. I just stood there staring at the screen, until finally the votes swung back in favor of Obama. It was only a few seconds...it felt forever.

I feel the same worry now.

I honestly feel that Obama deserves another 4 years. When you're dealing with people so this stuck in their rut, change doesn't happen quickly. Obama is trying. It's no wonder that he's gotten some much more grey hair the past 4 years. I probably would of done yanked myself bald if I had to deal with the Congress he has to deal with. If a country can elect a president that sent us to war, went over our Congress's heads many times, increased the power of the President enough to earn the nickname "King George," why can't we give the guy who was brave and willing enough to step up and attempt to fix things another chance.

People complain about budget cuts, shortages, taxes...people have a screwed up memory. I don't post on facebook my political standpoint, because I know several people on there see things differently. It's another great thing about our country, you're allowed an opinion. You're allowed to disagree with others opinions...unless your in my family...then you're better off biting your tongue. This is where I give my favorite piece of advice. It's helpful in nearly every situation. Whether you're dealing with annoying people, religion or politics. You look at them and just smile and nod.  You can be thinking anything you want, but just smile and nod.

Anyhow, even with this being an election year, I won't be talking anymore politics on this blog. I'm tired of hearing political mumbo jumbo already (and we have another 6 months to go). So I won't contribute to the plague that will be coming. I will be standing at the polling booth on Tuesday, November 6th ready to place my vote and will not be swayed by mud slinging that is beginning and bound to get worse.

Sunday Posting

Psalm 37:4

Delight yourself in the Lord,

and he will give you the desires of your heart

Have Faith

 Exodus 15:2

 (NKJV)

2 The Lord is my strength and song,

And He has become my salvation;

He is my God, and I will praise Him;

My father’s God, and I will exalt Him

I know I usually save the verses and video for Sunday posting, but I feel the need to blog today instead. 

Stress levels are running high, within my household and for other people I care about as well.  I'm stressing over finals and school. My hubby is stressing over finances.  One of my sisters is having so many problems right now she feels like she's in a shaped like a V, with sides so steep and slick she has no way out.  I'm sure my other family members are worried/stressed about things that they haven't told anyone about yet.  My kiddies are dealing with end-of-year tests (state standardized and other), so they're stressed whether they understand what they are feeling or not.

Worries, no matter how major or minor, have a tendency to pile up until they overwhelm. You feel like you're in a tunnel so long that you cannot see the light at the end.  I get it because I feel like this quite often.  I'm learning, though. Since I started going back to church and reading the bible, I'm learning the meaning behind the saying "Let go, and let God." You have to do what you are able, then when you reach the end of your abilities you have to let it go. As hard as that is to do.  I guess the real lesson is to realize your limits. My feeling is when it feels impossible, it's time to ask God for help. He's there and waiting, you just have to say the word.

I'm still struggling with this...I have a bit of Superwoman syndrome. I believe I can do it all, all at once. When the reality hits me that I can't, it hurts.  I'm learning I can do it all...with help, a little at a time.  I have to have faith that God is there when it gets to be too much. I hope everyone else I care for realizes that as well.

A Class Free Summer?

It looks like I'll be taking this summer off from my classes, unfortunately.
I went by the financial aid office after my classes today to see if I could get aid for Summer semester. I need to take my O.Chem lab and I may have to retake O. Chem as my grade isn't going to be what I would like.

Well the answer is a no, I have already used up what I can for 2011-2012 and so I'm stuck. I don't have cash on hand to pay for Summer classes (unless I happen to find 1500.00 in my couch cushions).  I was looking at my fall classes to see if this will hurt me and it doesn't look like it will be too awfully bad. I'll put Bioorganic till Spring 2013 if need be and it may push a couple classes I was planning on taking that semester back, but since I wasn't planning on graduating till December 2013 now anyway...I guess that will be all right.

Anyway this gives me 3 months to work and save money and then I can make up some lost time next summer. I hope.

Busy-ness

Between this:

 And this:

and studying for tests, finals and end-of-semester papers, and having company...I've been busy. So my blogging has slowed down to that end of the semester slump.  Sorry no pics of the studying...unless you want to see my Microbiology and O. Chem textbooks.

Oh and got wonderful news in an email today. It appears, with the new rules regarding financial aid, I'm no longer eligible to receive a Pell grant. Now I didn't get a big grant, but it came in handy when you have a family, one income and are trying to finish up an undergrad.  So here's to hoping I get a phone call about that job I interviewed for last month. The guy mentioned he was interested in hiring me in May. So some advise for current/future college students...if someone mentions getting an associates degree then bachelor's...say no thank you.  They now only give you a Pell grant for six years (and the kicker) or an equivalent of 6 years before cutting you off. Apparently I've been going for an equivalent of 6 years now...my guess is my Associates degree (that I didn't use, so total waste of time and money) is what has screwed me. I thought I was doing something good at the time...

Okay well, night night dear readers. I'm off to bed then up to study for Microbiology lab final tomorrow first thing in the morning. I dread and look forward to finals. I'm so glad to be done with the semester, but so worried that I haven't studied enough throughout the semester to do well. I know I'm completely normal in that though.

Easter Sunday

I so wanted to go to church today. However I have not felt right the past few days (no energy) then yesterday was the worse. I woke up with no energy and it went down from there. I went to my son's baseball scrimmage game with him. He asked why I didn't cheer. I did, just not as much as usual.  I get home and all I wanted to do is sleep.  So I ate some lunch and curled up in Hubby's super big recliner and try to nap while he took the boys fishing. Well my dear daughter was still home and even with only one child home, I cannot completely rest while she's up. So I'm dosing off and on and watching Mary Poppins and she's coming over and asking questions, talking etc.  Hubby gets home and I fix dinner. I think I'm feeling some better. So he asks if I want to run to Walmart with him to get some Easter stuff.  I agree and while we're there, I'm all right for the first 30 minutes.  Then while we are in the checkout line I start to feel off.  I leave hubby in the checkout line and walk over to the bathroom for a minute. I'm feeling slightly nauseous and wanted to make sure I wasn't going to vomit in the middle of the store.  The feeling eases so I go back and Hubby has moved up a little but still not checking out yet.  After we get checked out we start to leave and the feeling comes back with a vengeance. Hubby asked if I needed to go into the restroom again at first I'm like I'll make. I take a step and think, I better. I'm feeling like I'm either going to puke or faint ( I get the same feeling with both) so I rush in there. I emerge pale, sweaty but still haven't puked.
So on the way home Hubby says maybe you should stay home tomorrow and rest instead of going to church. I hate it but I agree. So here I am blogging and about to do some homework, but still grateful for Jesus and his sacrifice.

and for today's verse Matthew 28:1-10:

28 Now after the Sabbath, as the first day of the week began to dawn, Mary Magdalene and the other Mary came to see the tomb. ² And behold, there was a great earthquake; for an angel of the Lord descended from heaven, and came and rolled back the stone from the door,^[a] and sat on it. ³ His countenance was like lightning, and his clothing as white as snow. ⁴ And the guards shook for fear of him, and became like deadmen.

⁵ But the angel answered and said to the women, “Do not be afraid, for I know that you seek Jesus who was crucified. ⁶ He is not here; for He is risen, as He said. Come, see the place where the Lord lay. ⁷ And go quickly and tell His disciples that He is risen from the dead, and indeed He is going before you into Galilee; there you will see Him. Behold, I have told you.”

⁸ So they went out quickly from the tomb with fear and great joy, and ran to bring His disciples word.

⁹ And as they went to tell His disciples,^[b] behold, Jesus met them, saying, “Rejoice!” So they came and held Him by the feet and worshiped Him. ¹⁰ Then Jesus said to them, “Do not be afraid. Go and tell My brethren to go to Galilee, and there they will see Me.”

Remember What is Good about Good Friday

Approximately 1,979 years ago Jesus gave the ultimate sacrifice so that we may be saved. His love is so great, he endured so much pain and suffering, for us.

^{Matthew 45-56~}

⁴⁵ Now from the sixth hour until the ninth hour there was darkness over all the land. ⁴⁶ And about the ninth hour Jesus cried out with a loud voice, saying, “Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani?” that is, “My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me?”^[t]

⁴⁷ Some of those who stood there, when they heard that, said, “This Man is calling for Elijah!” ⁴⁸ Immediately one of them ran and took a sponge, filled it with sour wine and put it on a reed, and offered it to Him to drink.

⁴⁹ The rest said, “Let Him alone; let us see if Elijah will come to save Him.”

⁵⁰ And Jesus cried out again with a loud voice, and yielded up His spirit.

⁵¹ Then, behold, the veil of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom; and the earth quaked, and the rocks were split, ⁵² and the graves were opened; and many bodies of the saints who had fallen asleep were raised; ⁵³ and coming out of the graves after His resurrection, they went into the holy city and appeared to many.

⁵⁴ So when the centurion and those with him, who were guarding Jesus, saw the earthquake and the things that had happened, they feared greatly, saying, “Truly this was the Son of God!”

⁵⁵ And many women who followed Jesus from Galilee, ministering to Him, were there looking on from afar,⁵⁶ among whom were Mary Magdalene, Mary the mother of James and Joses,^[u] and the mother of Zebedee’s sons.

I Wish I Was...

I wish I was like some of the mommy bloggers I read. They seem to have it all together. Frozen meals ready for quick dinners when two kids have practice/games the same night. Nanny Mcphee-ish way of getting kids to clean house, do chores, behave.  The pictures of their kitchens are always so sparkling, organized, clutterless.

I wish I was like a fitness blogger. Lose weight, keep it off, have perfect abs. Always able to overcome temptations. Lifting weights, running races like a boss.

I wish I was like some of my organic chemistry classmates. When the professor draws a structure on the board they are already calling out the name while I'm still counting carbons. They know what the resonance, stereoisomer, product, etc is without taking time to draw arrows to see where each and every proton, lone pair is going.  I'm not saying they're right every time. Just having the confidence to say what I think the answer is would be awesome.

I wish I was like my youngest son. Able to let stuff just roll off my shoulders like water. Instead I internalize everything. I keep it..every hurt, every put down, every disappointment. It's a heavy load, I would like to drop it.

I wish I was like my sister that is closest to me in age. She has to be the sweetest, most forgiving person I know. She's not perfect and does have her limits. However, like my son, she is able to let most stuff roll off. She also gives everything of herself to make sure those she cares about are happy.

What I am like:

• I procrastinate, badly
• I am encouraging. I believe everyone has it in themselves to be their best, do their best, at what ever they want to do.
• I am shy. Not as bad as I used to be, but still pretty bad. It can be crippling, I know I've lost opportunities because of not being able to pick up a phone, send an email, ask a person. 
• I fear rejection...this goes with the one above.
• I am disorganized. 
• I am not lazy, though I have a tendency to overwhelm myself to a point that I just can't get everything done and give up.
• I give up too easy
• I love strongly
• I'm protective

I have positives and negatives, I'm not perfect and I do have a tendency to harp on my negatives too much. I know I am a nice person and people like me. I just wish I liked me a bit more...

Sunday Posting

Sorry this blog has been so silent lately, other things have been taking priority and sometimes I don't have a few minutes to type something out. Between my college classes, church, running, kids and baseball I'm kept hopping.
The song I picked out for this week is Britt Nicole's "All This Time".  I just love the lyrics.



Today's random bible verse is Matthew 6:34 (one of my favorites):
 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.

Honesty and Integrity

Honesty is defined as:

1. moral uprightness: the quality, condition, or characteristic of being fair, truthful, and morally upright
2. truthfulness: truthfulness, candor, or sincerity

Integrity is defined as:

1. possession of firm principles: the quality of possessing and steadfastly adhering to high moral principles or professional standards
2. completeness: the state of being complete or undivided
3. wholeness: the state of being sound or undamaged

I believe if you honor these two words then you'll be good in the world.  I try to tea qch my kids that having integrity may be the most important characteristic they ever have. It's something, that once you lose, you most likely will never have again (at least as far as other people are concerned).

My middle son came home today and said that one of his friends has been paying him to do his homework.  We explained to him that this is cheating and that he was hurting his friend by doing this.  My son didn't seem to think it was cheating at first, I guess he assumed cheating as if his friend was copying off his homework.  We explained that he wasn't helping his friend because when it came to test time his friend wouldn't do well because he didn't do his homework and learn the content.

I'm proud of my son for telling me, he didn't get in trouble. We just told him it stopped today because it could result in him getting failing grades.  He said "Well, *myfriend*, is in a different class." We told him teachers talk and his would find out and punishment would result.

My middle son is honest about 95% of the time. I'm sure he stretches the truth or gives us an "I don't know" once in a while. He will tell the truth even when it could possibly get him in trouble. He learned quickly in life that the trouble is less when you tell the truth then it is when you lie.  At times I've had to leave the room to laugh because I was shocked he would admit to something he did wrong. For example: one time my youngest son was crying after I had sent them all to bed. I went and asked why was he crying. My middle son chirped up "because I hit him." I had to step away so that I could give discpline without cracking up.  You kind of had to been there. The way he said it, so frankly, was funny.

Anyway, I hope he keeps coming to me with stuff like this. I think he was probably bothered by it and needed his dad and I to affirm that it was wrong and he needed to quit.  Parents make good fall guys and I'll gladly take the blame when it comes to someone trying to get my kiddies to do something that affects their integrity and keeps them from being honest.  They are free to say "I can't because my mom won't let me." when it comes to situations like this.

Monday, Monday

Woohoo it's Monday! I woke up today so it's going to be a great day! Right?

Trying my best to remain optimistic this week, the more positive I think the more positive I feel and the more I get done. Also the better my mood and if I'm in a good mood I eat less junk food.
On the agenda today is Microbiology, lecture then lab, then fitness class. My nutrition class was canceled due to an emergency in the professor's family so I get to get home before 8pm. Which gives me time to study Organic Chemistry. Yay, carbon chains, Sn1 and Sn2 reactions, Steriochemistry. Got to remember which atom likes to do it from behind...dirty little things those atoms.
Kind of curious how my Micro lab is going to go. The class lasts about 2 hours, it takes the TA about 30 minutes or more to lecture the exercises and demonstrate what she needs to us. Normally done in an hour and a half.  However, today we're suppose to do 3 different exercises and a skills test (Gram stains...look at the pretty colors...). One of these is going to take almost an hour to complete (between mixing the agar and autoclaving the medium and using the autoclave).  The other two are just smearing the cultures on plates of selective mediums...that won't take but a minute.  I guess as long as we can get the long exercise all in the autoclave at once then do the cultures and the skills test maybe we can get it all done quickly. I hope.
Somehow I get the feeling it's not going to be that organized.

Sunday Posting

Sorry I've not blogged lately, life's been busy. However this morning is already blessed as I got up a 7am to find all four of the kiddies already up and getting ready for church.
Today's  verse is: Psalm 145:8

 The Lord is gracious and merciful, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.


I chose this song today because I woke up singing it today.

In Memory of...

Alice Garrison 1/1934-2/2012

My hubby's grandmother passed away at 12am this morning (or last night whichever you prefer). She was a sweet woman and such a good role model for me and my children.  She loved her family with all her being. Always willing to help and forgive slights no matter how big or small. Her love was greater then that.  She truly had unconditional love for others.
She was a talented writer, artist, crafter. She loved to create.  She enjoyed spending time with family and friends; playing a card game or just sitting around visiting.
She was strong in her faith and well loved at her church. She was one of those Christians that you knew by looking at her, she always glowed.  Even at her worse moments she had an inner peace that calmed.
I love you Grandma Duke and will miss you greatly. You were always so supportive of my education and proud of me.

Blessed be the Lord, Because He has heard the voice of my supplications!
The Lord is my strength and my shield;
My heart trusted in Him, and I am helped;
Therefore my heart greatly rejoices, And with my song I will praise Him.
The Lord is their strength, And He is the saving refuge of His anointed.
Save Your people, And bless Your inheritance; 
Shepherd them also, And bear them up forever.
Psalm 28: 6-9

Sunday Posting

Sorry I haven't posted all last week, I'm fighting a cold turned to bronchitis and so have been trying to heal myself while trying to keep up with school work.  I also did taxes and filled out my FAFSA this week, taxes look good the financial aid not really.  It said that I may be all tapped out for student loans and so I'll be relying on grants to finish out my undergrad degree.  So I definitely need to step up on the job hunting front. I have a ton of online apps filled out, just time to do some footwork I guess.
So for this week I'm praying that I get better soon and grateful that I'm not as sick as I could be, that I can find part-time work and/or scholarships. I'm thankful for all I do have and know God will provide a way for me to finish, He didn't see me this far to see everything fail now.  I'm also praying that maybe, just maybe, I can find a way into my Hubby's heart in to letting me get a new doggy.  I'm wanting one for a running partner and the ones I have don't fit that particular bill.  I have two lap dogs (chihuahua/poodle mixes) that we all just adore, one outdoor doggy(german shepherd/akita mix) who lets us know everytime anything happens and is just as playful as you'd want her to be.  However our big girl is afraid to be on the street.  She loves to be on the leash and will let you walk her around the yard and up and down the driveway as much as you want.  She'll even walk down the street a few (about 20) feet before she just freaks out and panics.  This happens sooner if she sees a neighbor or a car. Then she hauls tail to the house and won't stop or calm down till she reaches the front door.  I can get her to stop if I stop, as long as she doesn't slip her collar, but she's very worked up and wants to get moving again.  I hate stressing her out and think it would be better to just let her stay in the yard and get another dog that hopefully I can run with.   I really want to get a job first, because another medium to large size dog means more feed and stuff. I don't want money to be a problem.  Hubby said I would have to get rid of two of the ones we have now if I wanted another, not about to do that. I love my girls. If it's meant to happen it will, if not then I'm not going to push it.
So here is this weeks bible quote:

Galatians 5:22-23

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.

Sunday Posting

“Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you" Matthew 7:7

Semester So Far..

  So here we are on the second week of Spring 2012 semester (first full week).  I'm finding that I'm going to have to really motivate myself to stay on top of Organic Chem as it is already trying swamp me.  The professor lectures so fast and doesn't like to repeat what he has said. Today I only wrote 5 1/2 pages of notes starting with ethane ( which has 2 tetrahedral carbon atoms connected together by a sigma bond) going through forming ethyl groups to over to line angle drawing, then a brief stent in nomenclature of hydrocarbons (of which I only caught a small portion of what he said), back to removing Hydrogen atoms and replacing them with other atoms. He went over Systematic name rules in 2 seconds then on to methyl groups.  I wrote half a page on what he kept saying about boiling points. He mentions boiling points a lot, so I'm hoping it's on the exam because I got that. A brief mention of Heat of Combustion and Potential Energies.  Also, he mentioned that by now we should be able to recognize the longest carbon chain and all substituents. Huh? I don't recall hearing the word substituent before today. Yes in Gen Chem at some point we spent 5 minutes going over carbon chains for a lab session. Gen Chem was mostly gasses, energies, heat, and all that jazz.  I can count carbon though so hopefully that goes well. We also spent a good amount of time attaching Bromine in a couple different spots on butane molecule to make 2-bromobutane and a couple other butyl molecules. A little bit about some isomers and cycloalkanes and cyclohexane and we were through for today.  I went to Walmart this afternoon and bought a recorder.  Definitely a need as many of my notes are incomplete because I just couldn't write fast enough.
  A&P 2 is easy enough so far. We're just moving into the circulatory system and all things blood.  This class isn't as fast paced and so I don't see any problems keeping up in here as long as I remember to take time to study.
    Microbiology is pretty much like A&P as in it's not as fast-paced. We did have a pop quiz on Monday and so I was very glad I reviewed the chapter and power point Sunday night.  All of his questions came straight from the powerpoint and so I'm probably over learning stuff. Oh well, I'm sure it will apply some where to another class on down the road. Usually does.
   Micro. lab was simple this week, too. I'm hoping my lab partner remembers to go by and check our bacteria growth this week like she said she would. Next week is my turn.  I really have a hard time relying on people so I'm itching to go and check it as well. Plus watching cultures grow is really cool.
  My Community Nutrition class is going to be very informative I think.  It's a hybrid course and mostly self-led.  We don't meet every week (which is great because I dislike being on campus that late). Our first two assignments are to make and cost out a menu plan using the usda website and to read a consumer book on nutrition (preferably community nutrition).  I've got a couple ideas I'm thinking of just have to narrow it down.
  So just going to have to make sure I stay on top of things. So far I'm doing okay, but a ton of room for improvement.