So Nervous

Today is finals day for American History and Accounting.  I've been studying on and off for the past few weeks. I'm terrified.  What happens if I forget everything once I sit down to take the exams?  Will I be okay if I don't do so hot?  Monday I have Gen Chem I and Intro to Dietetics, Tuesday the last Statistics test.  I made an A- in Chemistry lab.  I want to pull a C for lecture so I can finally move on.  I'll have an A in Statistics after Tuesday (I love self-led classes).  I'm hoping for a B but will be glad for a C in Dietetics.  I think I'll have at least a B in History and again hoping for a B but glad for a C in Accounting.   Not the best grades, I know.  However as I'm taking harder and harder classes as long as I've honestly tried I'm happy with B's (C's still not okay, but I'll live with them).
My test anxiety is mild compared to other people.  Everyone gets anxious because the final test is, normally, such a big part of your grade.  My chemistry final is worth 160 points out of a total 500 points, that's 32% of my total grade.  That can make or break you. It's sorta comprehensive as well.  The professor said it was going to have chapters 9 and 10 and some from the earlier chapters as well.  I'm thinking it's mostly going to be 9 and 10 with some extras thrown in to fill up the points necessary.  So I'm studying chapters 1-10 with extra attention to the areas that I've had difficulties with (gas laws and the energy problems mostly).  Accounting should be okay as long as I remember how bonds are done and get assets, liabilities, cash flows all straight.  I took a mock final last night and wasn't too impressed with myself.  History is easy, I've been learning American History since kindergarten.  It doesn't change much so I'll look over my notes here in a few minutes and I'm confident I'll do fine.  Dietetics is, well different.  I have a feeling most of her questions are going to be over the American Dietetic Society.  So I'll make sure I know their mission and goals and everything and go over the power points she did in class.
I was told by a former co-worker last night that I came up in conversation the other day.  Everyone is talking about how well I'm doing.  I adore my ex co-workers and do hope I live up to the hype.  I've been getting told by quite a few people that so and so mentioned how proud they were of me and how smart I am.  I don't feel smart most of the time.  I'm so worried that I'm going to disappoint a ton of people.  This doesn't help my stress/anxiety levels any.  I'm glad that people think well of me, I hope I can surpass their expectations. It's a struggle at times (most of the time actually).  I get frustrated, my house gets messy, I forget things (appointments, bills, keys, kids' homework). I feel like I'm expected to do everything and do it exceptionally well. I'm not perfect, I'm human.  I try my best and cross my fingers and pray to whichever deity ( god, goddess, God, Flying Spaghetti Monster) will listen.

Making Plans

Well, I've been making plans in case I don't get accepted into the nursing program for next fall. Yesterday I filled out an application for University of Memphis with a Major in Chemistry. I plan on doing a Major in Chemistry w/ a concentration in Biochemistry with possibly a minor in Biology. What does that all have to do with nursing? Not much. I've decided that if I don't get into the nursing program then I'll switch and go for medicine. The new requirements for a Nurse Practitioner (has to have a doctorate now) takes 7-8 years. To be a doctor in Family medicine takes 10-11 years. 3 years, to me, is not that big of difference. So I decided to reach for the brass ring and, all subject to me not being accepted into the nursing program, go for the MD. To be honest with myself, I would probably make a better doctor then a nurse. I have a tendency to strive for more autonomy then allowed. I will be in my 40s when all's said and done....but that still gives me at about 30 years or more to practice. 10 years...my youngest son and I will be graduating at the same time, him high school and me college. We'll have to through a heck of a graduation party.

Hubby has said he doesn't mind...he said if he hasn't minded about me going to school the past 10 years (on and off) why would he mind another 10. I have such a great hubby...now he better make sure to stay on top of the buildings he's working on from now out(yesterday he took a tumble..managed to catch himself, but the thought of him falling is terrifying and I don't like reminders of how dangerous his job is.)

I'll post more when I know more. Now I'm off to print out transcript requests to send to the 3 other colleges I've attended so that I'll be ready for U of M this summer (Go Tigers!).