Monday, December 19, 2011

After I pick my jaw up from the floor...

I'll tell ya about my morning.

Yes it's well into the afternoon now, but that's how long it's taken the shock of this morning to wear off (I'm not quite sure it's gone yet).
This morning I got up around 6 :30, got my coffee getting ready to go to fill out papers and get started on orientation for work.  This is an old hat, I've done it all before and so wasn't worried.  I helped youngest son make some lemon poppy seed muffins for breakfast.  I took  finger and swiped a small taste of batter.  Oops better not do that again or eat a muffin, because I'll have to pee in a cup here in a bit.
I show up about 10 minutes till 8 waiting for my friend and former/current supervisor to show up and give me the book of papers for me to look at and sign.   She's shows up 8am on the dot and we get started with the signing of the papers.  May of had to give away my first-born grandchild and a pint of blood somewhere in there as well, I'm not sure.  If you have ever worked in healthcare you're familiar with the stack of papers required for employment.
So after an hour or so I finish the papers and find her and go wait to give a sample in a cup for drug testing.  I've done these plenty of times, I've never had to worry as I've rarely taken anything stronger then Tylenol or over-the-counter cold medicine.  The lady comes out hands me the cup to leave on the back of the toilet.  I go and do what I'm suppose to do, hand her the key to the bathroom and sit and wait.  A few minutes later my friend comes out and I hear words that I have never thought I would ever hear in my life "Jackie, why is it showing PCP in your urine?" Umm, wtf?  My jaw hit the floor, I was dumbstruck.  I'm such a goody two-shoes that I hardly go over the speed limit and when I do it's less then 5mph over.  I abhor all drugs, I refuse prescription painkillers unless I'm absolutely sure I need them(last time I used them was when I had all my upper teeth removed and denture put in, and then I waited till I couldn't handle the pain to take one, I took nothing more then ibuprofen when I badly sprained my ankle).  I'm a very occasional drinker and then rarely more then one wine cooler or glass of wine.  I'm the cleanest person I know, so for anything to show up in a drug screen just put me into shock.  I immediately started racking my brain trying to figure out why.  The sinus medicine I took a couple days ago? No that would of shown up as something else.  The off brand Mucinex? Nope, doesn't affect these tests.  The peanut butter ball I had at church yesterday? Hmmm never know what those little old ladies put in their cooking.
My Hubby and sister got a kick out of it though.  Really, it's only funny 'cause it's me.  We know people that we wouldn't of been surprised if they didn't pass a test. Me on the other hand...yea I'm so glad I could give someone a chuckle(they really need to invent a sarcastic font).  I'm sure Hubby will be teasing me about it tonight when he gets home as well.
So my urine sample is on its way to a lab for further testing.  I'm 100% sure it's a false positive, because there's nothing else it can be.  I threatened Hubby that I was not taking anymore cold or sinus medicine...he vetoed that idea.  I guess my coughing and hacking all night might disturb his beauty rest. Anyway, let's look on the bright side.  At least I won't have to worry about working on Christmas, right.

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